Hey Love! 90-days of loving reminders to help you flip the script on your internal dialogue
This bright, sunshiny desktop flip has a dark tough backstory. It’s a story that I think you are familiar with in your own way, so if you have just a moment, let me tell you about its origins.
For years, I have poured myself into creativity whenever I felt I was drowning in the mud of the trenches. Painting gave me a refuge, a place to pause and catch my breath. I place to connect with God when the words just weren’t there.
But between the paintings, I’ve fought a battle inside--- a relentless dialogue of “never enough.” I have a feeling you might know just what I mean.
“How did you let yourself gain 20 pounds?”
“You are drowning in obligations again. When will you ever learn?”
“You’ve disappointed them all. Why can’t you just handle this?”
“You’re failing. It was bound to happen. You never were good enough.”
Try as I might, I was continuously beating myself up internally for all the ways I wasn’t perfect. And while I knew I was being too hard on myself, I also thought this is just how all women were.
And then, over the course of the last couple of years, it became apparent that one of my daughters was ferociously struggling with her own mental health.
Her fight became my fight as I begged and pleaded for her to just see her worth. For her to fight for her joy, for her to cling to the goodness surrounding her, for her to love her one beautiful and precious life.
Somewhere in the cracks and crevices of her battle, my own came to light. I realized that all the things I was pleading her to see, I wasn’t seeing for myself either. No wonder she was struggling, she was simply mirroring me. It was a hard pill to swallow.
As I read everything I could get my hands on about mental health, unprocessed trauma, the narrative of women as a whole, and generational impact, I began to piece together how my own shitty internal dialogue came to being, and how I inadvertently passed that along to her.
The unprocessed trauma we absorb from our own mothers, grandmothers, aunties, godmothers and all the important women in our life.
The body shaming culture we live in.
The weight of carrying all the titles from the best mama, to the best boss, to the best wife.
The guilt.
The expectation that our lives are a sacrifice for others to live better.
And that was just the start. Diving into the words of incredible authors like Brene Brown, Glennon Doyle, and even the local Rebecca Wiener McGregor, began to bring light to how I got to this place where the loudest words inside of me were so unforgiving and relentless… and how my daughter followed me there.
When I finally could see the impact that the weight of my own internal dialogue was having on my life, and how those silent words were inadvertently passed along to my daughter, I desperately began seeking ways to flip the script.
Prayer, meditation, scripture, books, and podcasts were just the start.
I absorbed everything I could, trying to retrain my brain to love myself better. My daughter followed suit as little colored post-its with handwritten affirmations filled her mirror. Each little thing helped some, but nothing began drastically shifting until I read about the concept of mothering yourself.
If you’ve never heard of this before, it is about switching your perspective to the version of you in the future – maybe 20 years from now. How would she talk to the present you? What kind of grace would she pour into you? What would she say about your present circumstances?
I know that the me of today, would give a hella-lot of grace to the 20-years-younger version of me, the 18-year-old me who wanted nothing more than to flee South Dakota and get married. Therefore, I’m certain that the 58-year-old version of me is also filled with tons of grace for this current messy version of me.
So, the question became, how could I change my inner voice to gently mother myself, the same way I mother my own kids? How do I stop that stream of internal criticism in its tracks?
When speaking to my daughter, I often say “Hey Love,” as I gently redirect her spiraling thoughts into something more hopeful. As I was reflecting on that one day, it dawned on me… “Hey Love,” is also the phrase that pops into my head as I paint, right before the prayer hits.
“Hey Love.” Gentle, guiding, redirection. My own internal wisdom, that prompting from God… it was always there at my core.
I began to realize that when I am at my best….
when I am my own biggest cheerleader,
when I am filled with the most grace for myself,
when I am dreaming of the calling that I know is placed on my heart,
when I am forgiving of my own mistakes…
when I allow myself rest…
the way that I talk to myself is loving and kind and it often starts with, “Hey Love.”
This is the way that I mother. This is the way I mother my own kids and the way the wisest version of me mothers myself. It’s a gentle pause, a redirect, a reconsideration that maybe, just maybe things aren’t as bad as they first seem.
Hey Love! 90-days of loving reminders to help you flip the script on your internal dialogue is my new desktop flip. Each page is filled with a gentle redirect and a prayer to help you shift your own thinking to be kinder and gentler to yourself. It has helped me. I hope it helps you too.
Flipping the script on our internal dialogue is a marathon many of us are running. This is one tool to help keep you on the right path. We are in this together.
Get yours here: https://purposegrit.com/products/preorder-of-hey-love-desktop-flip?_pos=1&_psq=h&_ss=e&_v=1.0
Here's just a few of the pages you will find inside.